Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
