I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
