your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Someone shattered a urinal.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
