i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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