is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
