enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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