Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize