I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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