im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
