I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
