He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I checked into jail on foursquare
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
should my penis look like a turkey
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize