I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize