You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
