I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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