Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
