So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
