This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i can't believe i had my finger in that
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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