thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
