Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
