When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
