dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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