i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it's like iHOP with fire
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
