They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
