i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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