I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize