The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
