Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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