Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
