In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
