we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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