he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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