this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
