I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
