ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
