It was confusing and full of hummus
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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