I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
