my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
