is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
