thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
