Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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