she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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