Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
