You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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