I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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