He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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