Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
