The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
God, I missed his penis.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
