it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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