i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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