Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
