i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize