when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
