Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
