she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
