I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
