I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
