Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
