you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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