He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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