ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
