3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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