what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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