Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the day after is always just damage control
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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