fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am naked and annoyed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
