you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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