I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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