i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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